It’s Friday and there’s no better time to look at real examples of management speak gone awry. BBC News has a list of 50 office-speak phrases you love to hate, and some of the better ones score a seriously impressive nonsense/ridiculous rating. See them after the jump.
“My employers (top half of FTSE 100) recently informed staff that we are no longer allowed to use the phrase brain storm because it might have negative connotations associated with fits. We must now take idea showers. I think that says it all really.”
Anonymous, England“We used to collect the jargon used in a list and award the person with the most at the end of the year. The winner was a client manager with the classic you can’t turn a tanker around with a speed boat change. What? Second was we need a holistic, cradle-to-grave approach, whatever that is.”
Turner, Manchester“The business-speak that I abhor is pre-prepare and forward planning. Is there any other kind of preparedness or planning?”
Edward Creswick, Exeter“Need to get all my ducks in a row now - before the five-year-olds wake up.”
Mark Dixon, Bridgend“I once had a boss who said, ‘You can’t have your cake and eat it, so you have to step up to the plate and face the music.’ It was in that moment I knew I had to resign before somebody got badly hurt by a pencil.”
Tim, Durban“In my work environment it’s all cascading at the moment. What they really mean is to communicate or disseminate information, usually downwards. What they don’t seem to appreciate is that it sounds like we’re being wee’d on. Which we usually are.”
LMD, London“It wouldn’t do the pinstripers any harm to crack a smile and say what they really felt once in a while instead of trotting out such clinical platitudes. Of course a group of them may need to workshop it first: Wouldn’t want to wrongside the demographic.”
Trick Cyclist, Tripoli, Libya
When there’s a Wikipedia page devoted to business speak, you know the problem is real. In fact, the only good things to come of this plague are the many corporate speak generators found online, like this one.
The moral of the story, I guess, is that in business, often the more we say, the less we mean. That’s always been my takeaway opinion.
If you have any favorites, share them in the comments.
(via clusterflock)
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